Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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