I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
