Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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