dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
