WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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