Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
