porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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