Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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