Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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