Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
