last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
