Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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