"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
