I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
