I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
