He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
