why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
