new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
