Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
