my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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