I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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