I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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