My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
