Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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