Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
