get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
