She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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