I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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