So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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