You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
