I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
