i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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