Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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