dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
