My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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