Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
