you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
