ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
