Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
handjob tips. give me some.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
