OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
