I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
