I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
