I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
