you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
