A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
