wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
