True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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