Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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