The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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