i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
