You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
