Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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