sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
