either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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