I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize