Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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