I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They took my balls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
