Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we're so committed to being not committed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
