ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize