how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
