Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
