Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
