Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
