I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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