Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
