i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
