she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
