this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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