It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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