If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
