he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
