when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
