Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
