Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
