I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
