It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A bitchslap is in order.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
