his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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