My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
