I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I faked an abortion last night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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