Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
