You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want her autograph on my taint
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
