OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
