She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
