dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
