The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
