Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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