At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
