Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
