Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
