Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
